On February 19, I decided that considering my inherent holiness, I should just become a reverend. And so I joined the non-denominational Universal Life Church online.
Reverend Vince -- and, yes, I do have credentials, available for viewing upon request.
So:
If you're a female citizen of Malaysia and are seeking to stay in our country by marrying a horny, desperate American, I'll more than gladly officiate your nuptials. I charge only ten dollars plus gas money.
If you're a dopey sixteen-year-old who didn't heed the warnings of fornication sans prophylactics in health class, and whose parents are now compelling to get hitched in order to staunch the tears of unhappiness cascading from Christ's eyes: just send me a line. I'll also baptize your forthcoming bundle of joy.
I also have the power to absolve sins, apparently. I think I can perform exorcisms too a la Bobby Jindal. In case you didn't know, Jindal participated in an exorcism of his college girlfriend. Well, hey -- telling your uptight Christian girlfriend that you need to expel a demon from her body with prayer and a laying of the hands is a crafty way of copping a feel. So bravo, Bobby!
It also appears from his rebuttal last Tuesday that Jindal succeeded in exorcising his charm.
PS -- I forgot to impart in a previous post an equally voluminous thanks to Malachy for driving my drunken ass home from The Office on the night of January 1, 2009. Not only that, but he was ever so kind enough to drive me back to my car the following afternoon.
Sorry for any embarrassment caused, haha. Thanks again, my good friend. And the ship hasn't sailed yet.
Menghilangkan Bau Mulut
11 years ago
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