ME (sarcastically): Yeah. Uh-huh.
MATT: Just follow the rainbow ...
You dick. Haha. :)Today is St. Patrick's Day. In Illinois, the Chicago River is dyed green to commemorate the holiday. Hell, if it's green water you want, come down to Jersey. Our water's already green. And all year round.
To accompany the glass of green beer I more often than not partake on this day, I think I'll indulge in some green pancakes as well.
True story here:
Back in the second grade, my teacher had announced to the class that come St. Patrick's Day, we'd be having green pancakes in celebration. To say I was excited would be an understatement.
The next day, at storytime, my teacher was reading us a story about leprechauns or clovers or some shit related to the holiday. Bored out of my wits, I'd kept pulling on the Velcro strap of my sneaker. My teacher stopped reading, flashed a glare at me and asked: "Vincent, is that you?" I didn't reply. She repeated the question and I nodded by head. Then she said those heartbreaking words:
"You're not having any green pancakes."
"YOU PUFFY CUNT!" I yelled.
Okay, I didn't actually call her that. I didn't even know what "cunt" meant at the age of seven.
Later while sitting at my desk, watching my classmates acquaint themselves with their delicious-looking green meal, seeing them lick syrup off their spoons and exclaim to each other "These pancakes taste so GOOD! Mmm-mmm-MMM!", I struggled my hardest to not surrender to tears. I even pretended like I was enjoying myself too. "These imaginary pancakes taste so GOOD! Mmm-mmm-MMM! The way the air just melts in your mouth!" When my teacher offered seconds to students, I walked up to her with my empty plate in the hope that she'd had a change of heart. Alas, she did not. Fucking poor excuse of a Catholic school teacher! Jesus would've given me a pancake, damn you! She sent me back to my desk, every one of my classmates staring at me and my plate full of humiliation.
So no green pancakes for me. I did not eat them, Sam I Am. I just sat there, stewing in anger, wishing Freddy Kreuger would come in and slice my teacher's face. Why, yes, I'd love some red pancakes!
Anyway, that plate of St. Patrick's Day pancakes is overdue. There's some green steak in my fridge, though I don't think that its color has anything to do with commemoration of the holiday.
Song of the Day:
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