I Didn't Start Swimming and I Sank Like a Stone

Okay -- about the karaoke ...

During the drive to the tavern, I decided that -- if the DJ had the track -- my Song of the Night would be Bob Dylan's "The Times, They Are a Changin'." It's one of my all-time favorite songs. I began, in rather high volume, rehearsing it in my car, affecting Dylan's nasally voice. "And don't speak too soon/For the wheel's still in spin/And there's no tellin' who/That it's namin'."

I entered the bar feeling more than a little nervous. I texted a couple of friends asking them to wish me luck. One responded: "You'll need more than luck, u crazy bastard." Still, I was resolved to sing. RESOLVED! As bad a singer as I was, I was going to "soon shake your windows/And rattle your walls."

Yeah ...

Well ...

That resolve completely wilted not even twenty minutes after my arrival. I choked up. What the fuck are you doing, dude? You're not actually going UP there, are you? By that time, the lyrics to another song came to mind: "FUCK THIS SHIT, YO/I'M GOIN' THE FUCK HOME/Rollin' my shoulders as I run back to this 8 Mile Road."

Well, I didn't go "the fuck home" right away. I decided that since I made the twenty-five minute or so trek there, I'd at least cease the quivers in my stomach with a filet mignon. (And may I note: that filet mignon was fantastic.) But I sure as hell didn't take up the mic.

Sigh.

I had hoped that Karaoke Night would feature a handful of bad singers (a group to which I belong) just having fun. Had even one horribly tone-deaf person gone up to sing, I probably would've kept my resolution. Yet every single patron who went up to serenade the bar was good. Not exactly American Idol quality, but still. I didn't want to be the only vocal leper.

The bartender was nice. We talked a bit and she told me that if I really felt the need to sing, to just go up there and let loose.

"Some other time perhaps," I said.

So no karaoke. I was defeated by my own fear.

But I'll do it someday; I'll do it.

The loser now will be later to win.

And the song of the day: